A-MUSINGS

Did you know that March 23, 2010, is National Puppy Day? The day was established to encourage adoption of puppies from reputable shelters instead of from pet stores or puppy mills where they can be mistreated or get substandard care. I got my childhood dog, Spot, from the Humane Society when I was in kindergarten. He had already been given that unimaginative name by the shelter, but in their defense, he did have a prominent brown spot amidst his white flanks. When I grew up and had a home of my own, stray cats just seemed to show up on our door step, either pregnant or injured… and we took them in. My sister, another rescuer of strays, is convinced that our house has a secret sign marked “sucker” that only wayward animals can see. 

But it has all been worth it. Having cats and dogs as part of your family can be good for you. They provide unconditional love and companionship, and they have been proven to provide health benefits to their people:  lowering blood pressure, reducing anxiety, and warding off depression. We, too, can offer similar health benefits to our critters beyond just food, shelter, and love. Just give your pet a massage! If I may take liberties with the old Coca-Cola slogan, pet massage is the paws that refreshes. Giving Fido or Fluffy a little spa treatment is easy and helpful to cats and dogs regardless of their age. 

Benefits of Pet Massage 

• Helps increase your pet’s circulation
• Relieves their stress
• Helps them (and you) relax
• Promotes the animal’s flexibility
• Can decrease its muscle pain
• Reinforces the bond between you and your pet
• Helps you learn the feel of your pet, allowing you to identify anything out of the ordinary that you want to tell the doctor about (think monthly breast exams, ladies)

How to Massage Your Pet 

Our vet gave us some simple instructions, and my kitties seem to love their massage time. The keys to the best experience are to always use calm, gentle movements, and be aware of your pet’s body language. They will let you know what they like and don’t like (for example, one of my cats loves her belly rubbed — the other, not so much, and I have the scars to prove it). 

• Start with your cat or dog lying down on a comfortable, firm surface
• Begin gently stroking around the head and ears (my cats especially love being rubbed along their cheeks, jaw lines and under their chins); lightly rub the ears if your pet likes it
• I like to talk softly to my cats or sometimes sing to them
• Continue with long, soothing strokes from head to the tip of the tail moving in the direction the fur grows
• Using small, slow, circular motions with your thumbs and fingers, massage the back alongside the spine and the down the sides
• Continue around the shoulders and down the arms (yes, I call them arms)
• If your pet will let you, carefully massage between the digits of the paws and the pads
• Softly knead the hind legs and feet, and don’t forget the tail

Cautionary Tails 

• Only massage your pet when it is in the mood
• Don’t overdo — pets will get irritated; pay attention to what your animal is telling you
• Only massage cats or dogs that you know very well
• Never use force or be rough with any animal
• Don’t massage the stomach area; you don’t want to injure any internal organs

So Happy National Puppy Day!  And don’t forget senior dogs (and cats), too.  Many older animals are already very well socialized, have proven temperaments, and have plenty of love to spare to someone who will give them a “furever” home.

"Leonard" from The Big Bang Theory holds The Ring

This week, I watched the four brainiac characters of the TV comedy, The Big Bang Theory, fight over ownership of The One Ring, a prop from The Lord of the Rings movies that they had found at a garage sale. My favorite movies featured in my favorite comedy! Could a Monday night get any better?

The rich fantasy world of Middle Earth enchanted me when I first read J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings in junior high school, and now my middle-school-aged daughter is reading and loving the trilogy as well.  A few snowy weekends ago, we had our own LOTR DVD marathon and watched all three movies (the extended versions!) back to back. They made me reflect on some important lessons I’ve learned from The Lord of the Rings:

1. We can’t always do things alone. It’s okay to need others and to let them help us.  Frodo thought the burden of destroying the Ring was his alone, but it wasn’t until he recognized and accepted his need for Sam’s help that he succeeded in getting to Mordor.
2. Know when to let go.  At the end of the first book/film, Aragorn realizes he can no longer directly help Frodo and Sam, and he lets them continue their perilous journey to Mordor on their own. Letting go is something I try to learn as my children have entered their teen years. I don’t quite have that lesson mastered yet.
3. Be loyal to your friends and value those loyal to you.  The salvation of Middle Earth was truly a team effort accomplished only by the steadfast faith and love the members of the fellowship had for each other.
4. Celebrate differences. Everyone has something to contribute no matter how different they may be:  elves with their athletic grace, humans — flawed but courageous, dwarves with stubborn strength, tiny hobbits with big, furry feet and giant hearts.  Elven Queen Galadriel reminds us that “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.”
5. Never give up; never surrender. (Wait, that’s Galaxy Quest — another favorite movie of mine.  But it still applies here.) Frodo’s unwavering perseverance pays off, and in the end, he saves the world. Maybe you won’t save the world, but if you quit, you’ll never achieve your dreams.  According to Sam, “It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish, as my old gaffer used to say.”
6. Sometimes we need to move toward what scares us the most to accomplish the greatest good.  Frodo knows that Mount Doom in Mordor means certain death, yet he marches straight into the heart of the evil land because he must go there to destroy the One Ring.  And despite his misgivings, Aragorn visits the creepy King of the Dead and the army of freaky ghosties (as my daughter fondly calls them) to enlist their aid to defeat the wicked legions of Sauron.
7. Great things sometimes come at a high cost. Many lives were lost and civilizations nearly destroyed in battle, but ultimately Sauron was destroyed and peace restored. 
8. There’s no place like home – appreciate it.  What better way to realize your love for home than to be torn away from it.
9. Elf ears are cool.  They were one of the reasons why Academy Award-winning actress Cate Blanchett wanted to play the role of Galadriel. 
10. I’m a nerd… and proud of it.

“Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though we pass them by today,
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon or to the Sun.”

~~ The Lord of the Rings

I really like the TV show NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigative Service). Maybe it’s my unexplained love for crime dramas, my military brat background, or the quirky, goth forensic scientist character, Abby Sciuto, with her jet black pigtails, spiked choker and army boots (to whom I secretly relate). At least once in every episode, the NCIS agents issue a “BOLO” (Be On the Look Out) for a suspect, stolen object or a getaway vehicle. They offer a detailed description of the person, item or car, and other law enforcement officers know exactly what to look for. 

Wouldn’t it be helpful if we got BOLO messages sent to us directly in life?

• In elementary school:  BOLO for the school bully. He stands a head taller than the other kids, wears a constant sneer and keeps hands permanently clenched in menacing fists. 
• In high school: BOLO for the boy who is going to break your heart. He has wavy brown hair, a winning smile, funny, smart, really seems into you… until he becomes more interested in your best friend. 
• In the community:  BOLO for the problem neighbor.  He frequently screams at your kids to stay off his lawn, trims his shrubberies with laser precision and complains that your mailbox isn’t up to the neighborhood association’s standards.
• At work: BOLO for the co-worker who is going to take credit for your work and steal your promotion. She seems genuinely interested in hearing about your creative ideas, she brings you coffee unsolicited, offers to help out when you’re on an impossible deadline, and has two faces.

But  better than serving as a warning, a BOLO can be useful to help identify some of the wonderful things in life. For example:

• Life changing events: BOLO for your soul mate.  It could be the person next to you on the bus, or the one for whom you hold a door open. Or the friend you’ve known for years. BOLO for the one who is going to help  you launch your business idea. Maybe it’s the jogger you see in the park every day, or the guy you accidentally spilled coffee on at Starbucks.
• Every day happiness: BOLO for simple pleasures. The shoes you’ve had your eye on go on sale for 75% off!  Your child gives you an extra big hug for no reason at all. An email really makes you LOL.
• Magic: BOLO for special fleeting moments that fortify your soul. The single flower that pokes up through the snow. The silent sunrise before anyone else wakes up. Your favorite oldie on the radio. Watching your cat happily dream about chasing mousies.

We all could use a BOLO to remind of us of the amazing gifts that are presented to us every day. If we’re not looking for them, they could sadly pass by unnoticed.  As Ferris Bueller says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” So today, I’m sending you a BOLO.  Be on the look out for the wonderfully unexpected.

We’ve all been there. You reach for your trusty       [insert gadget, cooking ingredient or beauty item here]     only to find out that somene has used it up and not replaced it, or moved it where you can’t find it.  Here are some of my favorite handy substitutes that I have used over the years — some I discovered on my own, others I read about or learned from my Mom.

Cleaning:

• Out of copper cleaner? Try ketchup. Really. Squirt the condiment onto your copper, spread it around, wait a few minutes and rinse off.
• No abrasive cleanser?  Use coarse salt and scrub using half a lemon.
• Your stain treatment is empty? Mix together equal parts ammonia, dish soap and water. It doesn’t smell good, but it works well, and it’s really economical.  Got an ink stain on clothes?  Soak the stain with hairspray and blot with a paper towel.
• Run out of jewelry cleaner?  Plain toothpaste can be used with a soft brush to gently clean gold, silver and diamonds.  But don’t use this with pearls, opals or other soft gems which could get damaged.

In the kitchen:

• Don’t have buttermilk? Add 1 tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar to each cup of milk. Let it stand for a few minutes before using.
• No more pastry bags?  Use zip lock bags. Fill with icing and snip away a tiny bit of the corner (or if you’re using cake decorating tips, cut away enough of the corner to accommodate your decorating tip coupling, then fill with icing).
• Can’t find a jar opener?  Use one kitchen glove to grip the lid and the other to grip the jar. Twist!

Beauty/Personal Care:

• Lost an earring backing?  Cut a small piece of a wide rubberband or the rubber eraser from a pencil tip and use it instead of the missing backing.
• Did you break the aglet at the end of your shoelace?  (Did you even know that thingy was called an aglet?)
  

  Duct Tape Aglet

  Tightly rap the frayed end with tape so the lace will fit inside the eye (my daughter prefers the cool, silvery look of duct tape or bright neon electrical tape, but cellophane or masking tape will also do the trick).

• No more hair conditioner?  Try mayonnaise. It takes a little extra effort to wash out, but it leaves your hair moisturized and soft.
• Don’t have anti-static spray?  Give your clothes (and hair) a gentle rub-down with a dryer sheet.
• No lint roller?  Lightly dampen your hand with water and rub across the surface of the clothing in one direction repeatedly. Really — just water.  You can also use one of those adhesive-backed airbill pockets from overnight couriers.
• Did someone eat the last cucumber you were going to use to cool your eyes?  Put a couple of metal teaspoons in the refrigerator for a few minutes then apply them to your eyes. Some folks have suggested using cool tea bags, which can help relieve puffiness, but the tannic acid in the tea has been thought to toughen the delicate skin around the eyes.

Miscellaneous:

• Looking for scissors to rip open tape on a package?  Grab a ballpoint pen (I recommend an inexpensive stick-type pen). Just stab and drag with the ballpoint end and slice the tape apart. The edge of a house key works well, too.
• No rock salt for frozen sidewalks?  Regular table salt will work in a pinch.
• Lost your bookmark? Come on, anything flat will do — sales receipts, a dollar bill, photos, gum wrappers, any scrap of paper — however, large rubberbands are really great — slip them around the portion of the book you’ve already read. It won’t fall out, and it keeps your finished pages out of the way.
• Needle and thread needed for a hem that’s falling down?  In an emergency, good old tape works wonders.
• Can’t find your ice scraper?  Whip out a credit card. No, not to buy a new ice scraper. Use the edge of the credit card and scrape downward to remove ice from your windshield and windows.

Hope you found some of these substitutes helpful. I’d love to hear ideas that have worked for you.

My son was born at 2:07 a.m. on a Monday morning after a routine, full-term pregnancy. As a nervous, exhausted new Mom, I let the nurses take him for his first feeding. A couple of hours later, they wheeled him into my room in a neonatal incubator. His lips had turned blue when the nurses fed him, and they had detected a heart murmur. They took him to the Neonatal Intestive Care Unit (NICU) for observation. Before he was even half a day old, he had had an EKG and echo cardiogram which revealed several serious defects in his heart which would require open-heart surgery within the next year. So began our journey of parenthood and affairs of the heart.

Before we were allowed to take him home from the NICU, our cardiologist insisted that we receive training to properly use a stethoscope, measure and dispense medications (which required very precise calculations for a small baby), and learn infant CPR. I was familiar with adult CPR, and we’ve all seen it performed hundreds of times in the media. But until that point, I had never stopped to think that a baby’s tiny body required a very different approach. For example, when giving breaths, the adult’s mouth should cover both the baby’s nose and mouth. Additionally, baby lungs are much smaller and more delicate than an adult’s, so the breaths must be given gently. The hand-over-hand stance of adult CPR is far too powerful for a baby’s chest; only two fingers apply compressions just below the baby’s nipple line.

This link from the University of Washington provides a good overview and video of infant CPR.  But please don’t rely on just a web page or video for complete instruction. We were professionally trained by staff at the hospital, and I recommend all parents and caregivers of babies and young children take a formal infant CPR class at your local American Red Cross.

February is American Heart Month as proclaimed by U.S. Presidents since 1963. Heart disease, including stroke, is the #1 killer of Americans, and American Heart Month strives to raise awareness of the problem as well as remind us of the many things we can do to be more heart-healthy.  Don’t smoke. Eat healthy foods. Exercise regularly. The American Heart Association website is filled with valuable information to help people live healthier lives “free of cardiovascular disesases and stroke.” 

Although we experienced some touch-and-go moments, we fortunately never had to use our baby CPR skills. However, I am glad that we learned the procedure because it provided us with some extra confidence to support our son amidst the other trials he experienced over the years:  cardiac catheterizations, feeding tubes, holter monitors, one stent and two open-heart operations. So this February, we are happy to celebrate our 15th American Heart Month with our son, who is now healthy and strong, and we send our love and support to all parents and their children with special hearts.

I have two teenagers whom I love more than life. I’m really blessed because they are truly great kids. I’d like to think that we have done a good job parenting them and helping them become the good people they are, and some of that parenting involves praising them and providing positive reinforcement. So when I read some recent articles that claim that American parents are praising our kids too much, that certainly got my attention. 

PRAISE EFFORT, NOT TALENT

Here’s the bottom line:  it’s not that we shouldn’t be praising our kids, but rather that we should be praising their efforts rather than their innate talents.  Say, “You worked so hard, I’m proud of you,” instead of “You’re so smart.”  I frequently give the former praise, but I have been guilty of dispensing the latter as well. The theory behind this line of thinking, as discussed in the book NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, is that labeling your child as smart instead of hard-working may actually cause the child to slack off and not apply herself. She assumes her “gift” will just take care of the rest. A study of 400 fifth-graders by Stamford psychologist Carol Dweck confirmed this. Dweck also suggested that when we praise children for being smart, we teach them to look smart and not risk making mistakes. When “smart” kids fail, they assume it proves they may not truly be smart. Whereas children praised for their efforts are more willing to challenge themselves, and if they fail, they simply assume they need to work harder next time. The failure does not become internalized.

ASIAN PARENTS’ SECRET?

In an article by Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim, they propose that Asian students perform better academically than their non-Asian counterparts not because Asian kids are smarter but because of how they are raised. First, Asian children are encouraged to work hard and focus on school work more than on other extracurricular activities. Second, they are praised for their positive efforts. The article suggests that American parents tend to praise mediocre efforts for fear that negative comments will harm their children’s self-esteem; however, they should only be lauding performances that are truly praiseworthy. If a child does poorly on a test but tried hard, it is okay for a parent to praise the hard work but express disappointment in the results, then they should discuss what the student can do to improve performance moving forward. Similarly, when a child works hard and does well, both effort and achievement should be praised.

I am an American-born Asian parent (as my parents and grandparents were before me). Love of learning and working hard toward a good education have always been an important part of my family culture. Yes, I was the nerd with the 4.0 average, but while I always knew my parents wanted me to achieve, I loved (and still love) learning  just for the sake of gaining knowledge about something new. I have my parents to thank for that. Mom and Dad employed the praise practices discussed by Abboud and Kim, as I do now for my children.  On the occasions when my kids bring home an assignment or test with a low grade, the first thing we do is neutrally (as best I can) discuss where mistakes were made, correct them (because material often resurfaces on mid-terms and finals), then talk about strategies to do better next time. As long as they made a good effort, that it what matters most.

Not every kid earns or deserves a trophy. Kids are going to lose some games. Not everyone can get a part in the school play. Kids won’t always get an A or even a B on tests. And it’s all okay. My bottom line?  Moderation. Sure, I sometimes tell my children they are smart or they are beautiful. But most of all, no matter what kind of praise I give them, I make sure they know they are loved. And remember, grades are temporary, but love of learning is forever.

I’ll admit it. I’m an introvert. Although in my work environment, I don’t think it’s blatantly obvious. I’m not afraid of public speaking or making presentations. I can mingle at business events and parties when I have to (but I don’t enjoy it). But in most ways, I am the classic introvert: I listen more than I talk, I like my alone time, I don’t need a lot of people around me to feel energized, I don’t like crowds, I’m quiet rather than gregarious, I’m more introspective and generally reserved.

Introversion should not be confused with shyness, although the two are sometimes married. It’s taken me a while to come to terms with my introversion and to realize that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just the way I am. Like being a lefty in a right-handed world (which I am also). I have no problems with self-esteem, and my parents raised me to be a confident human being. I’m just wired to be an introvert.

I’ve recently learned that there is an entire industry devoted to folks like me with books, seminars, websites and more which help us channel our introverted gifts toward success. A fellow introvert recommended I read the book Self-Promotion for Introverts by Nancy Ancowitz. The author presented some interesting statistics, such as that half the population are introverts, and include among them notables such as Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg and even Jerry Seinfeld. Not bad company.

While some of Ancowitz’ book is typical self-help content (reflecting on oneself, etc., etc.,) complete with fill-in-the-blank tables and charts, I did glean some useful suggestions. One idea I liked was changing an internet password to a positive affirmation phrase (her example was “deepthinker”) which gives one a little boost whenever the password is used (which is probably several times a day). The book also nicely summed up strengths traditionally found among introverts, including researching, concentrating, gaining expertise, building long-lasting relationships and listening attentively, and encouraged the introvert to use these to his or her advantage.  Even speaking quietly or infrequently can be a strength in that when introverts do speak, they tend to offer more thoughtful, quality content.  And if introverts can get a word in edgewise, the audience is probably so stunned to hear them speak that they pay greater attention! Well, maybe.

Some key suggestions in being able to promote one’s introverted self are to set short- and long-term goals (which applies for extroverts as well), develop a list of marketing activities within one’s comfort level (perhaps emailing is easier than cold-calling!), and cultivate a network of supporters. The book also reminds introverts to be mindful of their particular needs including making sure we build in down time to recharge after being “on” in social situations, and budget sufficient time to prepare for meetings and other presentations.

So introverts, speak up! Be proud. Make your mark. Then you can retreat to your livingroom by yourself with a good book.

I’m a marketer, not a sports fan. So for me, the Super Bowl is all about the ads. AdWeek has compiled all the ads from the big game (along with some classics from the past) right here. I loved the storytelling aspect of the Google “Parisian Love” spot, but the animal lover in me also enjoyed Doritos’ “Barking Dog.”  The moral: be kind to animals…

My 15-year-old son was up until 1:30 a.m. last night.  Again.  On a school night.  And he wasn’t partying or chatting with friends on Facebook.  He was doing homework.

As parents of school-aged children, we’ve all been there:  the long-term science project that is due tomorrow (that your daughter just started tonight), the sadistic teacher who assigns tons of homework every night, the high school student who naively signed up for too many Advance Placement classes.  Whether it’s too much homework or not enough time to get it done, our students are sometimes overwhelmed, and we, their loving, protective parents, may feel compelled to step in.  But how much should we do?

The folks at iVillage suggest that parents guide and support their children, but don’t do the work for them.  Here’s a little quiz from iVillage to see if you are too involved in your child’s homework: Click Here.

Simple Human Hands-Free Soap Dispenser

From the time I was a toddler, I realized I didn’t like to get my hands dirty. Other kids loved to play in the dirt digging up writhing earthworms, or finger painting with the squishy, gelatinous colors. Not me. I even use a knife and fork to eat BBQ ribs and pizza. Now I’m not one of those germaphobes who won’t shake hands with people or touch a public door knob. I just don’t like dirty stuff on my hands. And if my hands do get dirty, I don’t want to smear the grime all over everything else.

If you share my predilection for keeping things gunk-free, then you may find these two items very helpful: a hands-free soap dispenser and hands-free (and foot-pedal-free) garbage can.  To get a quick squirt of your favorite lotion soap, just place your hand under the sensor of the soap machine.  The device runs on batteries and you can adjust the amount of liquid it dispenses.

Nine Stars Infrared Trash Can

Okay, this product I love even more than my soap dispenser.  It’s a motion sensor trash can.  No pedals, no buttons.  Just wave your hand over the sensor and a motor quietly opens the lid for you then closes it after a few seconds. It’s perfect for the kitchen when you have your hands full of messy garbage.  And best of all, it’s fun!  Even my kids are better about cleaning up after themselves because they can use the touchfree trash can!