A-MUSINGS

“Let’s eat Grandma!” OR “Let’s eat, Grandma!”  Punctuation saves lives. 

I saw this on Facebook the other day while I was drinking my Constant Comment, and the tea almost came out my nose. Granted, I’m not the grammar police all the time, but I find subtleties like this both amusing and sad.

I’m a lexophile — a lover of words. A word nerd. It’s not that I love words just for the sake of speaking. I admire how carefully selected words can be artfully combined to tell stories, persuade, and evoke emotions. And puns? Don’t get me started. No, really. For your own sake, don’t get me started.

My favorite book is my thesaurus. There’s something about the delicate crispness of the onion-skin paper and the millions of word choices that we can use to express ourselves more effectively. Okay, it’s a little goofy and pathetic, but what can I say?

When I find words being mangled, abused or incorrectly punctuated, I feel the need to point it out to whomever might be unlucky enough to be standing near by. Here are a few recent examples from television that caught my attention. (Since we cannot see punctuation in voice-overs, it is the responsibility of the writers to properly structure the language.)

Campbell’s Soup commercial “These are the farmers who grow vegetables in Campbell’s Soup.”  What is that?  Some new kind of hydroponics?  I picture a massive vat of soup with little veggie seedlings struggling to thrive in a steaming chicken broth.

Promo for Oprah:  “We’ll hear about people who died suddenly today on the Oprah Winfrey Show.”  If only the writer had used a subordinate clause…  But then again, think of how many morbid viewers might actually tune in to watch people drop dead at Oprah’s feet. Her ratings could skyrocket.

Needless to say, I find the website engrish.com beyond hilarious. It’s wet-your-pants funny. But we have to cut these folks some slack. They are not native English speakers, so things are definitely bound to get lost in translation. But from time to time, everyone makes a typo–the accidental pressing of teh wrong key on a keuboard (did you catch those?). However, misspelling words and using incorrect grammar approach the realm of unforgivable. (So now you’re going to re-read this post to search for verbal blunders, aren’t you?)

The exception to the rule?  Blogging. I prefer a conversational tone, so I bend some of the rules…a little.  Like using sentence fragments. And starting a sentence with a conjunction. Or ending it with a preposition just because. But there should never be misspelled words. 

I have one helpful word for you: proofread. And I don’t mean using the computer spell-checker or grammar-checker. Do it the old-fashioned way.  Read your document. Say it. Out loud. (“Vampire!”) Double-check spellings of names; this is especially critical when you are sending a letter. There’s no quicker way to make a strong (read bad) impression than to misspell the name of the recipient. Read headlines and body copy backwards. It makes you focus on the words and not the context. Then read everything from start to finish again. Make sure all the words make sense.

Early in my marketing career, I repurposed a business pitch for Orange Crush and sent it to Nike–but I forgot to replace Orange Crush with Nike. I tried to tap dance and explain how important it is to stay hydrated while exercising… Uh, right. I didn’t make the sale. But as they say, when you lose, don’t lose the lesson. My lesson?  Proofread!